To make a pack be a Pack instead of just a bunch of bipolar lunatics with anger issues hanging around each other, a totem spirit is bound to it.
Sometimes a group of garou with a specific task get together and go and find their totem spirit of choice, but more often a Rite of Passage is performed and this calls to a variety of local spirits who might be interested in sponsoring the pack. Many packs suspect that the local Sept Elders word up an appropriate spirit or two beforehand and let them know that the Rite will be performed soon, but that's never been confirmed.
Your characters will be going the lucky dip option, but as players you get to have an opinion :) I don't think totems of war will work with the story I have in mind, but that leaves Respect, Wisdom or Cunning. I'll put in a list of potentials at the end, but if you have an idea, feel free to float it around and we shall see. (no, not cupcakes).
Spirits that make good totems are ones with a clear symbolic/mythological association and ones that wolves might have had contact with. Ravens are all secrets, for instance. Owls for silence and wisdom. Not all spirits are animals, some more conceptual spirits act as totems, such as chimera, the sept totem who is the Mistress of Dreams.
(Australian animals are a problem - that's a longer story than will fit here tho, so I will just say "urban adjusted animals are doable, but not bushland")
When the pack is formed, the arrangement is definitely that the totem has seniority. It is adopting a pack, not doing what the pack says. Over time as the garou increase in rank, that arrangement becomes closer to one of equals. But to begin with, totem says jump you say ribbit.
Totems often give gifts of special abilities to their packs, but at the same time demand particular behaviours, called Bans that the pack must undertake or lose their patronage of that spirit.
Totems can be strengthened over time, simply by the pack fulfilling tasks that they ask, by the respect accorded to them by the pack rising in rank and through deliberate efforts of their pack.
Not all packs reveal their totem even to sept members. It can be an extremely private things, or the totem might insist on secrecy. Usually tho the totem spirit participates or at least attends the monthly Moot gatherings at the sept.
Game mechanically, totems have a point cost that can be bought by pooling the Totem background across the whole pack. Excess points beyond the base cost for a specific totem go into strengthening the spirit.
Some example totems from various books that might work, either as they are or with some tweaking. (Specific spirits might not draw on all the traits suggested below, or might have additional ones)
Chimera (sept totem, totem of the stargazer tribe)
Chimera is She of Many Faces, the Lady of Mirrors, the Ever-Changing. She is the mysterious caretaker of dreams and is thus the mistress of Enigmas and inner wisdom.
Cockroach (totem of the glasswalker tribe)
Cockroach is quick, hardy and incredibly adaptable. Though ancient beyond measure, it is a totem of the modern age. Its kin skuttle through every corner of the city, infiltrating any nook and cranny.
Duck
Duck is a totem of Concordance and Harmony. She believes that too many Garou have decided to retreat into their own society, forgetting that most of them were once part of human or wolf society.
Frog
Frog bridges the gap between water and land, betweeen change and stability. She symbolises transformation and adaptability.
Heron
Heron is a curious spirit, and he long beak is often probing into affairs that others would like to keep quiet
Merlin
A merlin is a small bird of prey, a miniature hawk. Sharpwitted and dangerous, Merlin knows many secrets and teaches them to the Fianna. Merlin understands magic, and despite her small size, Merlin hunts the Wyrm with enormous ferocity and courage.
Owl (totem of the Silent Strider tribe)
Owl is silent and swift. In the night, Owl rules. He represents secret and hoary wisdom culled from the deepest recesses of the night. Owl is also associated with the secrets of death
Raven
Raven is a Trickster-spirit favoured by many lupus. He is also a totem of wealth. He makes sure the wolves want for nothing and always have the resources they need. The Shadowlords regard Raven differently. To them, children of Raven survive through trickery and deceit.
Unicorn (totem of the Children of Gaia)
Unicorn is pure, powerful, strong and wise. She is a totem of peace, of harmony and of healing. She represents the pure understanding and unbridled love of Gaia, and she extends this bliss to her Children.
Falcon (totem of the Silver Fangs)
Noble and brave, Falcon soars high and leads all Garou. Falcon helps the Garou be strong through his insight into their hearts.
Sphinx
The might Sphinx is strong and cunning. She is able to defeat her foes in combat, though she prefers a battle of wits. Sphinx chooses those Children who excel at enigmas and quick thinking.
Stag
The master of the Wild Hunt, Great Stag is the representation of the wild, masculine power of nature. He is an ancient totem, older than Garou, and represents one of the fundamental aspects of life.
cunning totems are regarded as being a bit dodgy and might limit you a touch socially
Fox
Fox skulks slyly through the underbrush, merrily spreading confusion among his enemies. His favorite trick is to pull his enemies into his confidence and then lead them into a cleverly conceived trap.
Possum (Moodai)
Possum is an urban totem followed by many Bonegnawers. A nimble and cautious spirit, Moodai adapts well to any environment, as do his Children. The Children of Moodai, though not respected, are often called upon to perform tasks unsuited to other Garou.
Magpie (Urburra)
Inquisitive and playful, Urbura is also somewhat territorial. He fights the Wyrm, but tends towards more strike-and-flee tactics, taunting his enemy and leading them into mistakes.
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